I didn’t realize what entitled meant until i took a look into my prior actions as a kid. Let me try to explain: I vandalized. I stole. I hated indirectly. I hated ‘at’ something that I couldn’t quantify. / I lived in a wealthy white neighborhood being white.
I stuttered. I had acne—bad acne. I had a bent-crooked-large nose. I had crooked teeth… a large head… small body. I was different. I was set apart. I was selected out. —-I didn’t know what happened when everyone “all of a sudden’’ stopped hanging around me around 13. I was abandoned. My parents loved me but they couldnt relate internally to my suffering. I was Fatherless and Motherless in this suffering. They didn’t feel *why* I wanted to kill myself. They could ‘see’ outwardly, I’m sure, some/ all of my afflictions… but, … in all of that…I was ‘Fatherless’/‘Motherless’—-and hated myself for even uttering that internal feeling—-because, after all, I was “loved”; why would I be so spoiled as to dismiss being ‘loved’. / I didn’t have A REFERENCE POINT. No lead-star. I HAD NO VOICE (literally and spiritually). I lashed out in every way. I needed to “defend” myself against all of these dragons/demons. So, I did Martial Arts (just like the young man (name alludes me rt. now) who was on CNN who witnessed his spiritual Brother be killed while he held his iPhone and recorded the entire event of George Floyd’s death). Nonetheless, watching him speak on CNN last night, broke down the Anchor, Cuomo, to stop speaking. You could watch Cuomo interrupt at first ‘to get answers’…then, Cuomo (smart guy) stopped talking and let that poor young man cry, yell, genuflect, talk about martial arts, wrestling, fighting, defending, etc…WHY?!?!?!!—-because, he, in his position as a black man in an impoverished area/ arena has NO VOICE, NO ONE TO DEFEND HIM/ THEM, NO ONE TO SEE THE INTERNAL PAIN that is impersonal—-i related! I began to cry with him. Then, Cuomo said, ‘I apologize—I needed to be quiet and listen/learn’ to the young man. Cuomo settled in with patience. That was brilliant. The young man’s interview seemed irrational until you realize the conditions he lives in. That community that is burning down their own town is doing so because its all they know….they reference where they live by being ‘fatherless’, defenseless, homeless, afraid, judged, scandalized, downtrodden, dismissed (the true sense of being ‘hated’), —- knowing they’ll never be outside the realm of their own reference. They hate themselves for this too——they burn down their Father and Mother’s shops and homes because they hate themselves. They are their own looking glass with all the above negations—-while we judge, they have no hope with their reference= themselves. / I am still White…I Still am entitled as a White person in the sense that I’ll never be judged for being black. I have and am dismissed for my developed disdeveloped manner of speaking…using tricks to not stutter, using quirky actions-loony actions, loosy-goosy language—-to ‘flow’ better in my speech where my speech/where I am allowed to be accepted amongst the eclectic…. I am at least given this world… Many of these poor people do not have an open eye hope.. My interpretation of: James 1:27 “If you dare to be *religious* then go visit and help, aid, lift up, be with, guide, engender the hope in the homeless, the FATHERLESS, the MOTHERLESS, the oppressed”. ——I don’t need to parse this in the Greek. If there are any LEADERS, RULERS, GUIDES for this situation —let them be the least of these and let them serve the most.
This WORLD doesn’t need another HERO, or “LEADER”—- it needs people to get under the sunken heads of the downtrodden.
